New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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