Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
