he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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