Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
