We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
