Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
