If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
