i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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