I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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