TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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