Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You have to summon your inner elephant
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
