TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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