but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
