Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
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The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
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It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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