I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
