It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
