the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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