you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
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