I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
