Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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