I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You took a bar mat shot.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
