I wannas sexs uuuuu
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
