dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
