Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
