Heybabeimwearingurpanties
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
