Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
