I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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