I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
