Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
