I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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