How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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