did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
It's Friday. Sex?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
