I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
