im drinking this country out of the recession.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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