Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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