and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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