Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
