real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
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I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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