Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
