So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We had sex on a dog bed..
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
