So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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