he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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