i just had sex bonerless
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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