I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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