Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
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that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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