why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
