She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
