My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize