I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
