so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
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