and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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