Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
