It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
