That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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