i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
