party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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