I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
