If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
