Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
