btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
