Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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