I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
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