I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
