My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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