You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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