fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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