dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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