Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
