I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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