Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
