i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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