OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize