i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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