she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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