How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I wish i was in the wii world.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
