They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
