At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
