theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Semen is not good for contacts.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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