I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
