no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
