when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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