I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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