We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
