ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
It was confusing and full of hummus
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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