i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
