Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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