She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Randomize
