just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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