I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
